Tag Archives: murder

A contract and a murder, and this is not even fiction

My younger daughter’s class is learning the names of the provinces and their capitals. The class has to take their Canadian geography test until they get it all right. My daughter practiced at home over and over – and she really knows her stuff.

But she will have to take the test a third time, just like the rest of her class. Yes, she knows it all, but she keeps making little errors. Like writing “WinniPeg”. Like placing Iqaluit on the mainland by accident. Little stuff like that.

Little stuff that proofreading would fix.

Why is this so important?

Well, I was reviewing a contract recently, full of the usual legalese, when I came across something most non-usual:

“Where it shall appear to the partners that this Agreement, or any terms and conditions contained in this agreement, are in any way ineffective or deficient, or not expressed as originally intended, and any alteration or addition shall be deemed necessary, the partners will enter into, execute, and perform all murder be an instrument as their counsel shall advise. Any addition, alteration, or modification shall be in writing, and no oral agreement shall be effective.”

Did you miss it?  OK, here is the abbreviated version:

Yadda yadda yadda yad yadda yadda yad. Yadda yadda yadda yadda yad yadda yad yadda.  Yadda yadda yadda the partners will enter into, execute, and perform all murder yadda yad yadda. Yadda yadda yadda yadda yad yadda.

Murder contract?

OK, clearly something went wrong in that paragraph. In fact, my best guess is that two things went wrong. First, it looks like a bad cut and paste left out a few words, because the end of that sentence doesn’t quite fit onto the rest of the sentence. Like trying to sort through the plane crash debris and placing Julia Roberts head on Hulk Hogan’s body (Yes, as a matter of fact I did have a troublesome sleep last night – why do you ask?).  Second, at the junction between the two parts of the sentence, we discover a murder – probably a spell-check anomaly as a result of the bad cut-and-paste, but still leaving us with some important questions unanswered:

  • Exactly who are these partners supposed to murder?
  • Does it matter what weapon is used?
  • Will the murderer be indemnified by anybody (contracts are always full of people indemnifying each other for their sins, right?)

READ ALSO: How a typo turned a celebrity chef into a cannibal

I love a good murder mystery as much as the next guy. And contracts are common in murder mysteries. But a murder mystery is pretty rare in a contract.

So, for the benefit of my dear daughter, you see that proofreading can save a person from more than just being caught in an endless loop  geography test. It could garage door broken boca raton save you from murder.

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Children of Connecticut (lyrics)

As a parent, I was shocked by the killing spree in Connecticut last week. My first thought was, “Oh my God, whatever would I do if that happened at my kids’ school?”

For Wordy Wednesday, I was moved to write the lyrics below. I had hoped Chantalyne would sing them for you. She said she wanted to, but each time she said so, she set aside the lyrics.

Normally this would be where I would give her a good nudge, to help tip the scales in a pre-teen’s constant struggle between motivation and laziness. But given the delicate subject matter, I decided to abstain this time.

Therefore, I present you the lyrics of Children of Connecticut today without vocal accompaniment.

Need lyrics written?  Click here.

Lyrics to Children of Connecticut

Children of Connecticut
My heart goes out to you
I know that I can never feel
The things you’re going through

The hurt, the pain
The doubt, the fears
The shock, the strain
The eyes filling up with tears…
[pause]

Children of Connecticut
My heart goes out to you
I’m sending you long distance love
It’s all that I can do

Killer in Connecticut
My mind is bent on you
There is no way to understand
What you were going through

You took a gun
Up off the shelf
Shot everyone
And then you shot yourself…
[pause]

Killer in Connecticut
My mind is bent on you
What makes a person lose his head
And do the things you do?

People of the Planet Earth
What are we going to do
Another crazy killer strikes
And leaves us feeling blue

It’s not the first
Won’t be the last
Not quite the worst
Wish this was all long past…
[pause]

People of the Planet Earth
What are we going to do
To save our kids from killing sprees
After all that we’ve been through

Victims of Connecticut
My prayers go out to you
Your lives were cut way too short
There was nothing you could do

You learned, you played
You laughed you cried
You slept, you ate
You lived, and then you died…
[pause]

Victims of Connecticut
My prayers go out to you
May your souls rest in peace
May God’s love be with you

(c) David Leonhardt
All rights reserved.

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