Wordy Wednesday – Hagrid moonlights

I can’t really tell you how it started. One of my daughters is a huge Harry Potter fan. One day, she stumbled upon Potter Puppet Pals, a series of puppet shows on Youtube. At the end of this post are a couple examples, in case you are interested.

I always tell a story to my kids at night; even when I am too tired, they won’t let me off for a night. I always make the stories up on the spot.

At some point, they asked me to tell a Potter Puppet Pals story, which evolved a bit in my telling so that both Harry and Ron have squeaky voices, Hagrid often falls out of the sky at random times crushing various characters (but mostly Harry), Snape gets no respect and Lord Voldemort is a silly character (building on the great Mustache Buddies tradition from the “real” Potter Puppet Pals – see second video below).

For Wordy Wednesday, (my personal protest against “Wordless Wednesday” blog posts), I thought I would share with you one recent story – shorter than most, was nevertheless one of the better ones. I am not normally a screenplay writer (although I have a couple good ones in my employ), but here is how it goes:

Hagrid sells Kleenex door-to-door

(Harry and Ron greet each other)

HARYY: What are you up to Ron?

RON: Not much, Harry? How about you?

HARRY: Nothing. Hey, here comes Hagrid. And this time he’s on foot!

(Enter Hagrid)

HAGRID: Y’aright, Harry? Ron?

HARRY: Hey Hagrid, what are you doing walking into the scene? Is that in the script?

HAGRID: Got myself a new job, I did.

HARRY: What, you got fired?

HAGRID: No, nothin’ like that. Just makin’ some extra cash on the side as a door-to-door Kleenex salesman.


HAGRID: A door-to-door Kleenex salesman.

RON: But where’s the money in trucking around huge boxes of Kleenex that sells for…what, a dollar?

HAGRID: Just one box. This one is enough.

RON: What?

HAGRID: Need a Kleenex? Twelve dollars for one.

HARRY: Twelve dollars for a box?

HAGRID: Twelve boxes for a tissue.

HARRY: But Hagrid, who’s going to pay twelve dollars for a tissue?

HAGRID: Well, I…uh…I can’t be givin’ away trade secrets, now, can I? But I have…uh…found a market.

(Enter Snape, Hagrid recedes to a corner)

SNAPE: I see we have here that obnoxious Potter kid and his Weasley sidekick.

HARRY: We love you, too, Snapy Baby.

SNAPE: Harrumph.

HARRY: So much so that I kissed you in your sleep. And may I say that those lipstick marks on your cheek are very becoming.

SNAPE: That’s it. I’ve had enough of your driveling insolence. Fortunately, I have just concocted a wonderful potion of my own design that will teach you a lesson.

(Snape sprinkles some potion on Harry and Ron.)

SNAPE: Gesundheit. Heh, heh.

(Snape exits.)

HARRY: Ah…ah…ah-choo!

RON: Nose itches…

HARRY: Mine is getting all puffy…

RON: Need Kleenex…

(Hagird steps forward)

HAGRID: Kleenex? One for twelve dollars.


I hope you like it as much as my daughters (and their cats) did.

Postscript. I rarely follow up one day’s story with a sequel, but the next day the “Kleenex salesman” returned selling anti-dragon-bite pills.


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