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You might be a redneck SEO if…
I’ve always enjoyed Jeff Foxworthy and his “you might be a redneck” jokes, so…
Most SEO specialists seem to live in big metropolitan cities like Boston or London or Toronto. Not me. I live out here in the sticks. Which I guess makes me a bit of a redneck SEO, so…
If you think you might be a redneck SEO, I have devised this handy little test, with 50 signs that you might be a redneck SEO. Please feel free to share this with your friends colleagues and even friendly city-folk you might know. And don’t be shy to add to this list if there are important signs I missed.
By the way, it helps to imagine Jeff Foxworthy’s voice when you read these. Here is a video of Jeff Foxworthy doing his you-might-be-a-redneck routine to get you in the mood (Sorry, they turned off embedding on this, but the link is good.)…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sKtkdDJe5s&NR=1
Top 50 signs that you might be a redneck SEO
- If Yahoo! Is something you holler when your horseshoe rings the post, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you’ve ever tried to change the transmission in your computer, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you don’t Digg because digging sounds too hippyish, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If your idea of link-building is getting a longer chain for your wallet, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you have to put on boots to go out to your home office, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you look for scraper sites to clean the bottom of your boots, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you find on-page optimization a challenge because you can’t write on your computer screen, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you think GrayWolf, theGypsy and Neoblog are race horses, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you spit for good luck before you click “submit website”, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you re-use your spit … never mind. Next!
- If you don’t like title tags ‘cause titles are for uppity city folk, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you like to Sphinn your partner at the local barn dance, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you refuse to take on a client with a pink website, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If your other Mac is a truck, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you prefer black hat SEO because real men don’t wear white, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you have a Dukes of Hazard screensaver , you might be a redneck SEO.
- If wonder just what blade Matt cutts with, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you agree that bounce rates are becoming a big SEO issue because gopher holes are damaging your ATV, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If every time a client mentions conversions you shout “Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!”, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If the words “viral content” send you running to the barn ‘cause you lost some 30 chickens to a flu bug last spring, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you don’t care for link bait but you sure would love to help your client with his trout bait, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you place the “home” button on your website between the “barn” button and the “outhouse” button, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If the word “blog” sounds just messy to you, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you think Twitter is where they send all the twits, you might be a redneck SEO (but you can follow this SEO at @amabaie.)
- If a “search engine” means the 4 x 4 you take to chase away the foxes, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you say you work from a mobile device and mean that you work from your home, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you try to trap your mouse with cheese or peanut butter, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you bill clients not by the hour, not by the links, not by the rankings, but by the six-packs consumed, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If your home page is set to Auto Trader or Monster Auto, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If adding video to your computer means buying an eight-track player, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you think Sticky SEO is when you drop your keyboard in the pig pen, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If your office wall is decorated in very tasteful velvet Elvis, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you bring your laptop to the family reunion hoping an eligible cousin will sit on it, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If your favorite ringtone goes ma-aa-aa-aa, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If your personal assistant also goes ma-aa-aa-aa, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If your car sports a worn bumper sticker reading “SEO or bust”, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you wear jeans and a toothpick to a client presentation, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If your computer desk demonstrates that you are an environmentally aware operation because it is built from a used outhouse, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you have more than one tattoo on your butt reading “SEO”, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you sing in the shower “Thank God I’m an SEO Boy”, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you own one computer that runs and five cars that don’t, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you try to buy used links at the local flea market, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If your Avatar at Zoomit Canada is a picture of your belt buckle, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If organic search is what you do when you lose a rifle in the corn field, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If don’t do SEO contests, but would rather like to try an SEO drag race, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you think sites rank well because they have “#1” in the title tag, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you ask your clients to pay with ammunition or fireworks, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you respect motherhood, apple pie and meta tags, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If your idea of social media is a telephone – the kind with a dial that turns, you might be a redneck SEO.
- If you think a cell phone is what you do when you don’t need a telephone with a dial that turns anymore … you might be right!
I hope you enjoyed this little test to see if you are a redneck SEO. Did you pass? Really? Great, welcome to the club. And if you come up with any other signs that I have missed, please add them to the comments below.
Written by David Leonhardt
Grab The Bookmarketer For Your Site
January 6th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
OMG, that was funny, funny, funny! But I'm a tad bit worried that I fit into a few of those categories. That can't be a good thing! LOL
January 6th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
he he…. and …
#51: You have enough time to come up with massively long lists of humourous content (or lists of resources like that 'Gypsy' guy)
Obviously I am compromised well before reading the list and knew my lot. Town of 3000 or so here… most of them rang true
January 6th, 2009 at 11:27 am
And if the first thing you thought when reading this post was "great link bait", you might be a real SEO.
January 6th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
If your idea of a meta description tag is the one hanging around your coon dog's neck, you might be a redneck SEO.
January 6th, 2009 at 9:45 pm
Great analogies! That is too funny.
January 7th, 2009 at 3:39 am
Great, I have seldom laughed so.
This is me spontaneously in response to:
51. If you think Google is something that you can make on your bread, you might be a redneck SEO.
January 7th, 2009 at 11:52 am
My apologies to those who had commented earlier. I approved a couple comments, and I can view them in Intense Debate, but they just are not showing up here. Something to do with the URL resolution with the … (note to self: never put … in a blog post title again!)
January 7th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
"If Yahoo! Is something you holler when your horseshoe rings the post, you might be a redneck SEO."
If you holler *anything*, you are most definitely a redneck (SEO or otherwise).
January 7th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Gretchen Wilson sings "Let me get a big "Hell, yeah" from hte redneck girls like me." in Redneck Woman. You miught be right!
January 7th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Hollerin' is standard redneck protocol, along with Whoopin' and Raisin' Hell. I'm told the fact that I keep multi-colored Christmas tree lights up in my office year-round qualifies me as a Redneck Woman, too.
January 8th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
Funny list… Loved #14 "If your other Mac is a truck". Very, very clever!
January 9th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
What is #10 "If you re-use your spit … never mind. Next!" ? I don't get it.
January 10th, 2009 at 5:10 am
Hey, you have given lots of knowledge about seo in funnier way, great post. kudos to your creativity. But why you are against that 3 persons?
January 10th, 2009 at 8:44 pm
Finally another self-proclaimed redneck SEO! Thanks for including us kinfolk in this post. I feel obliged to add one to your list.
If you think linkbait is a way to catch more than one fish at a time, you might be a redneck SEO.
Shazam!
January 10th, 2009 at 11:08 pm
Geez, I just picked 3 people with profile names that were not their real names. In fact, two of them are Davids in real life, so they start off with a great pedigree.
January 11th, 2009 at 2:39 am
WoW, I have no ideas that there are 50 signs that can turn us into a redneck SEO, David. I'll forward this article to my friends and hope they learn the lessons lol
January 12th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
That was a nice and witty take on the world of SEO and more importantly a very useful one too!!
January 13th, 2009 at 8:21 pm
If you use Hugh Net as your ISP and your driveway is at least 1/4 mile long with a gate at the end then you are an SEO Redneck
January 13th, 2009 at 8:25 pm
If doing a search means looking for the best place to place a treestand to hunt deer with a bow then you are a SEO Redneck
January 13th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
If you use a rod and reel to do some phishing then you are an SEO Redneck
January 13th, 2009 at 8:39 pm
We live beyond cell phone coverage and have two satellite dishes for internet service from an island located on the great lakes. We also have 59 websites and 18 employees in 3 foreign countries. Our driveway is a mile long and we drive 4 miles one way to meet the school bus. So I guess we qualify as SEO Rednecks.
January 14th, 2009 at 6:40 am
Haha, I've personally never heard of being a red neck as SEO before, but that was pretty funny! And I'm glad that I read the post
Cheers!
January 14th, 2009 at 8:30 am
That's my driveway. But we don't have a gate at the end.
January 14th, 2009 at 8:31 am
You get the Gold Medal Redneck SEO Award.
January 14th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
If your abstraction of a meta description tag is the one blind about your coon dog's neck, you ability be a redneck SEO.
January 14th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
This is one of the funniest post I have read in a while. It is definitely worth sharing to others.
January 15th, 2009 at 6:56 pm
Boooooo! I thought I could get away from Foxworthy by coming online… Did you come up with all of these yourself? Very nice (and creative).
January 19th, 2009 at 7:30 am
If your idea of a meta description tag is the one hanging around your coon dog's neck, you might be a redneck SEO.
January 23rd, 2009 at 7:43 pm
I really didn't know what to expect when I first began reading the post. I could not stop laughing. I closely relate to a lot of those items on your list.
January 29th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Love #13, We do not need anymore pink website.
February 14th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
i did laught a lot with redneck seo
May 30th, 2009 at 10:41 am
"If you own one computer that runs and five cars that don’t, you might be a redneck SEO."
I literally LOLed on that one. Several other ones were great too. I live in a huge redneck town, so even though I'm not a redneck myself I love the jokes. Great list.